Girls Beware

I had a girlfriend called Ruth

And now I must tell you the truth;

She refused a ride on my bike,

Which I did not at all like,

I coaxed her and cajoled her,

Called her one in a million

and made her ride on the pillion;

Vroooom the bike sped,

Till on a speedbreaker it shed

Poor Ruth with a bruised head,

As I rode on Ruth-lessly.

A N G E L

On 26th October, a Mumbai newspaper published a picture of a desperately poor man willing to sell his 6 month old grandchild so that he could treat his ailing daughter Jyoti , a bundle of skin and bones lying on the pavement opposite a hospital in Chembur. It was a heart rending story and when she saw it it moved a woman so much that she rushed to the spot, got the ailing girl admitted to the hospital for treatment of not only TB but also HIV aids which she was suffering from. The good lady also took care of the child whom she christened Angel.

On December 17, Jyoti, despite the treatment, passed away. The woman, Lillian Smith, used to visit her daily and assure her that her child was being taken good care of, and leavng a photgraph of the child on her bed. Her laast words to Lillian were to keep the child with her and take good care of her. She died contented with this thought.

The tests showed the child was not HIV positive but another test has to be done after 18months. But a rude shock was in store for Lillian. Her relatives started behaving strangely. She was flooded with phone calls from friends and relatives asking her to get rid of Angel. They did not even believe her when she told them the child was not HIV positive. One family in Vashi which had stood with her in times of crisis and given moral support, too turned its back on her; she was shattered.

But she had support from her husband and four children. They stood by her decision. Though shunned by friends and relatives and much against the advice even of a doctor who suggested to her that she get the child admitted in an orphanage, Lillian has taken a decision to bring up Angel. Even if she tests positive after 18 months, it would make no difference to Lillian. She wants to tell every one that Angel is a bundle of joy and has brought new light into her life.

By this one act of mercy and piety, this lady has achieved more than what a hundred years of prayer or meditation would have brought her.

Now tell me, who is the Angel, the child or Lillian Smith?

Let there be more Lillians in this world to restore our faith in humanity!

POWER STRUGGLE NON PAREIL

When i received my electricity bill for October, i got the shock of my life ( pun intended) It was a cool Rs 4500 a 300 percent jump over the previous month. After frantic efforts to find out the explanation for it from the power supplier, I came to know that it included a penalty at the rate of Rs 5/75 for each unit consumed over the level of October 2005. The fact that the family was away for the whole of last October, was no extenuating factor. The moving hand which prints out the bills had billed and moved on, and not all my tears could wash out a word ( or figure) from it. After applying for a short term loan for paying this gargantuan bill, we had an emergency meeting of all family members. The kids of the family volunteered that from today, they would study on the pavement below the luminous sodium lamps. If Vishveshwarayya and CV Raman could study under street lamps and become bharat ratnas and nobel laureates, why cant we, they argued. The lady of the house agreed to stop the use of the washing machine and do all the washing herself. I, as the head of the family, agreed to retrieve the huge 1000 litre copper vessel from the attic and build a fireplace for it in the bathrooom and collect firewood from the forest club where I go for my morning constitutional.
Use of fans would be restricted to guests only. It was decided to sell off the 265 frig and buy a 160 litre one running on kerosine oil ( we have to revive our ration card to get the kerosine and locate the nearest fair price shop).
Dinner will be a candle light affair hereafter. So romantic. Yes television is out. Instead, we would buy a radio run on Eveready cells. Children can sneak into the neighbor's drawing room to watch theri favourite disney channel or cartoon network.
We had a family heirloom in the shape of an Alladin's lamp, beautiful brass one with a cotton wick and run on kerosine. We had given it to a Fengshui enthusiast who took an instant liking for it. It is embarrassing to ask her to return it, but circumstances have compelled us to get it back and it will serve as the kitchen light.
As we were deliberating, Mirchilal our neighbour walked in. Seeing our glum faces, he asked us what was the matter. After hearing us, he just laughed and said, "What simpletons u r ! Just dont pay the bill. Go to the Consumer court. Challenge the penalty. They just cant fleece us like this. And if it comes to that, I have devised a novel way of ciarcumventing the meter..The device costs a mere 500 bucks and all that u have to do is to fix it at the point before the cable enters the meter. Once a week, u can detatch it so that your bill doesnt come to zero."
The patriot in me was touched to the quick. " Satan, get theee behind me" I told Mirchilal. Not knowing that Satan was his second name, he just blinked and refused to budge. "Do u want us to become petty robbers? Power thieves?" Perish the thought. We would rather beg borrow ( but not steal) to pay the electricity bills than commit power theft. And what do u think will happen to this country if everyone thinks like u? The Dabhol power plant will not be re-started, Tatas and Ambanis will become bankrupt and the Indo-US deal on nuclear co-operation to put up more atomic power plants will fall through. As it is, with the democrats in a majority in the Senate it is in serious trouble.
Mirchilal being a shrewd businessman, the Tata Ambani part of it apppealed to him though dabhol and Indo US pact went over his head. He just grinned and stood there. He had come to sell his 500 buck contraption to us having gone thru the bills of all the flats in the housing society, he had zeroed in on the potential customers. In fact, he had put up a small factory to make these short cuts to power.and had forreseen the market size expanding. Having sensed our mood however he beat a hasty retreat to the flat of the next potential customer.
And yours truly and family decided to tighten our belts, gird up our loins and spend sleepless nights amidst attacking hordes of mosquitoes in the dark, rather than compromise our principles. Long live honesty! As Mark Twain said honesty is often the best policy but the appearance of it is worth ten times of it.

VICHCHOOBHAI GOES TO CAIRO Part 4

The Tutenkhamen Galleries

Must first set the record straight about this pharoah. He was NOT the greatest pharoah either in terms of what he achieved or how long he reigned. He was a boy pharoah who ruled for just 9 years in 1400 BC. King Remesis I, II, III Seti, Tuthmosis and various other have all been greater pharoahs but what is so attention grabbing about Tut is this .... his was probably the only tomb discovered with all its contents intact. With all the other great Pharoahs their fame was so widespread and their wealth so wellknown that Tomb Raiders had done their bit of "exploration" long before the archeologists did!

The British archaeologist Howard Carter discovered Tut's tomb in 1922. And it became a headline grabber the world over.

The incredible contents of this modest tomb only make u wonder about what was looted from the tombs of pharoahs who were far greater!

You can see his life size statues which were guarding the tomb when it was discovered. You see his sunshade, his bed, his throne, the works. All very exquisite and a sight to behold.

You also see an alabaster chest with four canopic jars. These were used to store the Pharoah's internal oragans ( before a body was mummified, all its internal organs except the heart and the kidneys were removed. ) This chest with these organ containing jars was then placed inside the golden canopoic shrine with the four gilded Goddesses, Isis, Neith, Nephthys and Selket with protective outstretched arms.

The Piece de Resistance

The room everyone wants to see is Room No. 3 where the central exhibit is the mind blowing death mask of TUT. It is made of solid gold and weighs eleven kg. This was found covering the head of the mummy. The mummy itself lay in a series of 3 sarcophagi (coffins) The inner most was again solid gold, very beautifully carved and weighing 110 ( one hundred and ten ) Kg.!!!!The outermost coffin is still in the original site of the tomb with the mummy inside it. Tut does not have to bear the ignominy of having thousands of tourists peering at his body every day!

After the Tut galleries, we saw a few more rooms recommended by the guidebook and then left the museum.

We thought we would go for a boat ride on the Nile. This turned out to be a bit of a downer. The weather was not sunny. It was cold. And so the boat ride was made short one and we didn't really cruise the Nile. Just sat in the Felucca, which is a slow sail boat.

Then got back to the hotel and had pasta for dinner ( I dont wanna look at pasta faor a year now)

The next day I just lazed in the room till noon when we had to check out and go the airport to catch the Alitalia flight back to Amsterdam.

That brings us to the end of this travelogue.

Wish I had

1. Tasted Egyptian food
2. Seen the Islamic market in Old Cairo
3. Seen belly dancing!!

VICHCHOOBHAI GOES TO CAIRO Part 3

B efore I begin Day 2, I must mention this whole kissing thing. Egyptian men greet each other by kissing on both cheeks. Yikes! Looks terrible. One would think it is a country of homosexuals were it not for the fact that their population is too high to support this hypothesis.

Anyway, none of my business; I will stick to my travelogue!

So, Sunday was the day we were due to move up in life...from Hotel Longchamps to the Semiramis International( on expense account) . We checked in and then set out to see the famed Egyptian Museum which was supposed to be a walking distance from the hotel.

What happened between the hotel and the museum merits a diversion. So, here goes :

How we were made complete suckers in the heart of Cairo

We left the hotel and were standing near the bridge (over the river Nile) wondering which way to take to reach the Museum. Suddenly, a friendly looking young Egyptian man materialised out of nowhere. He said in good English ( rare in Cairo) "Can I help you? I work in the Semiramis hotel" When we told him that we were looking for the museum, he gallantly offered to take us there!! And chatting very nicely he "led us to the museum" ( it was more like led us up the garden path). He took us in a direction we knew was not quite right but could not get ourselves to question this very urbane and friendly soul.

It was 12 noon. He told us very casually "Dont u know the Museum timings have changed? It opens at 9 am but only for tourist groups; for individuals like yourself, it opens at 1.30 pm. This was a tub of lies, as we discovered later, but we actually believed him. Then he asked us whether, since we had so much time on our hands, we might want to see some of his paintings. He told us he was an artist.

We didnt see any reason to say no since we thought we had a couple of hours to kill anyway. He l ed us to his shop and engaged in smooth talk... slowly led us to his paintings. Then "explained" to us how he had "painted" them. We discovered later that his paintings were acatually prints which were mass produced.

He showed us a painting of an ancient Egyptian couple getting married ... he said it was the Pharaoh Tutankhamen and his wife .. Cleopatra. Cleopatra was not wed to Tut - in fact they were not even contemporaries ! I told him as much. He looked very offended and said " I am an Egyptian, I know my history. If u like I will accompany u to the museum right now and check it out" In the face of such confidence, I withdrew....but shouldn't have. He was wrong as wrong can be.

But today was our day for being suckers and we ended up purchasing paintings worth over 200 Egyptian pounds!

As we walked from his shop to the Museum, we realised that actually the museum had been a 2 minute walk from where he waylaid us and took us to his shop .. a 10 ninute walk in completely the opposite direction. He was a consummate con artist; gained our confidence by lying to us that he worked in the hotel he saw us standing outside, he lied that the museum was not open for us at that time; he took us to his shop which was nowhere near the museum, overcharged us for the paintings (prints) ..man oh man... no end to his evils. We just paid double of what we should have.

The Museum

So we reached the Museum and I put the duping episode out of my mind. The Museum is supposed to be among the richest in the world in terms of what is kept there. The Lonely Planet had warned us that the museum was too vast to see in one day and so we honed in on the main attractions.

The Royal Mummy Room

For an extra charge of 40 pounds u can see about a dozen pharoah mummies kept in a separate room in which conditions are controlled so as to preserve the mummies best. They r kept in glass cases and r not completely wrapped in bandages the way u see in movies or comic books. The body is loosely bound but the face is exposed. To me, it just seemed like well preserved corpses. No, I haven't dealt with too many corpses in my life but I imagine this is what they would look like a few weeks after "The End" Of course, these corpses were 3000 to 4500 years old, a small difference there.

I cant say that I was very greatly impressed by what I saw but of course, it is quite an experience to see 12 dead kings at the same time. I couldn't also help imagining how they would have reacted if they knew that their funny mummified bodies would finally be in glass cases with Americans in shorts staring down at them!!! Also rapidly speaking Japanese, indifferent Cairo college kids and one very cautious Indian man! Maybe, they would have preferred cremation!!!

Well, tomorrow, I will deal with the Tutenkhamen galleries.

Bye till then.

VICHCHOOBHAI GOES TO CAIRO - Part 2

We had breakfast at Hotel Longchamps. At 9.30 am Emad, an Egyptian driver recommended to us by an acquaintanace, turned up. When we asked him what his charges were, his response was " For you, even for free". This is the standard Egyptian refrain, while all along, your wallet is being made lighter and lighter. On politely declining his free services, he settled for 150 Egyptian "bounds" (Egyptians seem to have a problem pronouncing "p") It seemed it was a bit of a rip off but it was sort of worth it, as it was reassuring to be with one who had been recommeended. One egyptian bound equals six indian rupees.

So began the journey. Our first stop GIZA. It was a sunny though chilly day (probably around 15 deg C) After about 15 minutes Emad casually said "there are the pyramids" and I turned to catch my first glimpse of what i had been waiting to see. It was a fleeting glimpse. The pyramid looked exactly like i had imagined though come to think of it, i cant give too much credit to my imagination having seen a few hundred photographs doesnt leave much to the imagination!!!

In another five minutes, we were driving very close to the pyramid...and then all hell broke loose !!! SUICIDE ( I thought) A man hurled himself in front of our car. I had read poverty was rampant in Cairo but didnt know people committed suicide on the roads. Emad was quick to interpret the drama of the moment. "Oh, he just wants to be your guide!!!" So that was it. That man had tried to grab our attention just to be our guide. Poooh

After a few more attempted suicides, we finally reached the parking area near the Pyramids. Emad bought the tickets for us and we passed thru the makeshift gates .

There I was in front of the largest of the 3 pyramids. The great Pyramid of Khufu - more than 4500 years old. I must admit to a sense of anticlimax. Okay, it was big and it did look like the pyramid from the pictures. But where was the vast virgin desert i had imaagined around it?? The surroundings appeared dirty. Pepsi cans here, some camel shit there, some hawkers here, some touts there !!! Hmmmm

But when I went closer and climbed up the entrance and stood really close and saw the size of each of those huge blocks and looked vertically up at the peak kissing the sky, the allure returned. So, this was it ... the only surviving of the seven wonders of the ancient world. I had been warned that entering the pyramid would be claustrophobic and though i am a bit claustro, it seemed a pity that having come thus far i wouldnt enter. So I requested Emad to go buy a ticket for me costing another 100 "bounds" ( my friend Aucke was not interested in seeing the tombs and bodies of kings who had died 5000 years back)

So I entered .. a stony small entrance about 20 M inside there is a steep ascending passage 1.3 M high and 1 m wide which seems to go on for ever and then another ascent, which is higher than the first but very claustrophobic being narrower. I felt a l ittle terrified when i sw the path i had to take. What helped me go on was that along with me there was a family of 4 with 2 kids all of us were quite scared but there is strength in numbers and we went ahead with the climb. As i ascended i couldnt help wondering what the workers/slaves who carried the king's body up this passasge must have felt like. And what about those who constructed it?

At the end of the ascent is the main tomb chamber 10 m by 5 m built of red granite blocks. The body is no longer there of course. It is an awesome experience to stand in that tomb!

We then climbed down and out... We then went to the next pyramid, that of Khafre (son of Khufu) Out of deference for his father, his pyramid is marginally shorter. The third pyramid that of Menkaure was a bit distant. We watched it from a distance to save the bother of walking thru the dirty sands.

By now it was time for lunch and we thought we would see the Sphinx later at the "Sound and Light" show held in the foreground of the sphinx post sunset. However, I did manage a glimpse at the sphinx and wa disappointed. Heck, it wasnt big enough. The photographs with the pyramids in the background give the mistaken impression that the sphinx is of the sasme size as the pyramids while in fact, it isnt. And it is badly maintained.

Lunch was at that Mecca of standardised junk food McDonalds. Burger and fries ( what else?)

Then we decided to buy some papyrus paintings. Emad was most helpful ( we were to know why only later) He conducted a "survey" ( what he did infact was to find out which shop would give him the highest cut). He then guided us gullible lambs to a shop, hypnotised us into spending 250 "bounds" for something ( we discovered later) we should have paid only 120 "bounds" for. Anyway, that is part of the Egyptian experience!

We were still an hour too early for the show at the Sphinx and decided to go to Pizza Hut which overlooks the Sphinx and there we got a fabulous view of the Sphinx with all 3 pyramids in thebackground! The irony of such a magnificent view from Pizza Hut of all places did nt escape me. Wonders of globalisation!

We walked to the forecouat of the Sphinx. The sun had just gone down and the 3 pyramids had begun to look mysterious. I started shivering. The desert cools rapidly at night . I hired 2 blankets ( very good arrangement) The light and sound show is basically the Sphinx narrating its story and that of the 3 pyramids. Some other interesting titbits of Egyptian history also narraated. It was melodramatic, but we did enjoy ourselvels.

And so ended the day at Giza. Awesome in some ways, disappointing in some others, but on the balance, a brilliant experience... one that i will remember for a long time ( if I donot succumb to Alzheimers).

We drove back to Cairo with Emad chatting away about how great a driver he was what a terrible leader Husni Mubarak was ...

Had dinner (pasta and pizza) at a restaurant near Longchamps and then crashed into bed..

Day 2 follows tomorrow in Part 3. Till then bye

Vichchoobhai goes to Cairo

This is a travelogue on my trip to Egypt. This is my first travelogue. I have travelled a bit but never felt the need to write one. But do get a strong feeling now. Tell u why:

Egypt has been a dream destination for a holiday since as far back as i can remember. I spent many lazy hours in my childhood in delhi fantasising about king tutenkhamun and the indescribable ( so i read) treasures in his tomb and about the various mummified pharaohs.
This is the trip i rehearsed most before embarking on and so i was up to my nose with egyptian history even before reaching Cairo ! Dont want to lose all that info.

It all started with my friend Aucke having to travel to Cairo on work and he thoughtfully invited me offering board and lodge on his expense account. I grabbed the offer. We set out from Amsterdam to Milan by Alitalia and thence to Cairo. Alitalia is at the cutting edge of customer service ( they cut u into little pieces) with a decrepit plane with grumpy old airhostesses , much like our own Air India, but this did not dampen my enthusiasm.

We reacahed Cairo at the very convenient time of 1.30 am but there was an office car waiting with a suited and booted driver saying a cheery "Welcome to Cairo" and the trip had begun!

The first two days were not on expense account so we checked into a budget hotel called Longchamps.It was aso like hotels in delhi or mumbai so i felt at home. For $48 a day it was a good deal, a large room and a clean bathroom breakfast included in the fare.So far so good.

We went to sleep at 3 am. I was determined not to let sightseeing mania go to my head and told myself a hundred times to take it easy. Set the alarm at 8.30 am but didnt hear it going and got up at 9 am.

A brief history of Egypt will not be out of place here. Egypt produced arguably the most glorious civilisation witnessed 5000 years aago when the rest of the human race was still hunting with clubs and roaming around naked. Egyptians made bread,brewed beer and mixed paint.The river Nile was their lifeline. Upper Egypt extended from Aswan to the southern tip of modern Cairo while lower Egypt spread from the point where the Nile fanned into a fertile triangle some 200 kms before reaching the Mediterranean sea. The unificationof Upper and Lower Egypt was accomplished by a King called Narmer. He stands at the beginning of Egypt's ancient history which is divided into 30 dynasties from Narmer to Alexander the Great (greek!)
The old kingdom is considered by many historians as the high water mark of achievement.The great pyramids of Giza wre built by three Pharaohs from this period.

Most of the buildings in ancient Egypt including the royal palaces were built of perishable materials such as brick and wood while the tombs were made of stone to last for eternity. So, while the magnificent palaces perished, the tombs survived. This distinction gives one the erroneous impression that the Egyptians were preoccupied with death.

The pyramid is basically a tomb. It was the Egyptians' belief in eternal life that was the basis for the construction of these incredible mausoleums. The Pharaoh as the son of Gods was also their intermediary and his role was to conduct Gods' power to his people. He was therefore honoured in life and worshipped in death.

While pyramids were only for the pharaohs and sometimes for their immediate family members mummies were not the preserve of rulers only. Many wealthy people ordered for their bodies to be mummified and for their favourite objects/foods to be buried with them.

The pyramids were constructed by tens of thousands of workers as a highly organised workforce. The magnitude of the task can be gauged by the figures before us. The great pyramid of Khufu the oldest in Egypt and the largest - stood 146 metres high when completed in 2570 BC. About 2.3 million limestone blocks each weighing 2.5 tons were used!!!

There are some historians/egyptologists who believe that the millimetre precise cutting, carving and placement of these massive blocks at such heights was beyond egyptians and that the pyramids were probably constructed by ...angels, devils or Extra terrestrials. Easy to laugh off, but visit the pyramids to understand what may provoke such statements.

After this lenghty introduction, I continue my interesting travelogue tomorrow .. just wait.